1979 doesn’t seem all that long ago to me, but in terms of male-female relationships, it’s practically the dark ages. The equal rights and women’s liberation movements of the 1960s forever changed society’s views, and for the better, but it didn’t happen overnight. During the following decade, men and women struggled with their established roles, both at home and in the workplace. It was a brand new balancing act, with major adjustments for all concerned. Kramer vs. Kramer plays like a well-acted, small family drama today, but in 1979 it was groundbreaking in its frank approach. It struck a common chord with audiences and became the highest grossing film of the year as a result. It’s about a hotshot ad executive named Ted Kramer (Dustin Hoffman in the first of his two Oscar-winning performances). Ted focuses his time and energy on work. He defines himself by his job and measures his worth in professional growth. Being the breadwinner with a lovely wife and cute young son is enough for Ted. It’s what is expected of him, and he has “made it” in the eyes of the world.

The opening scene finds his wife Joanna (Meryl Streep in the first of her three Oscar-winning performances) saying goodbye to their sleeping son as she packs a suitcase and organizes apartment keys and reminder notes for Ted. Joanna is leaving him. She has lost herself in their life together, and she doesn’t know who she is anymore. She only knows she can’t live in Ted’s ideal vision of family and success. And because she has let this go on far too long, she is damaged now. When Ted comes home late from work, bursting with pride over landing a major advertising account, Joanna confronts him with her news. In an emotional state, as the elevator doors close around her, she informs Ted that she is leaving their son Billy with him. She’s no good as a mother, let alone a wife.

What follows is Ted’s struggle as he adjusts to a new life. Justin Henry plays their son Billy, and in my opinion, he gives one of the best child performances ever put on film. No matter how many times I see this movie, I am floored by his work. When Henry received an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor, he became the youngest nominee in any competitive category in Academy history—a distinction he holds to this day.

Dustin Hoffman and Justin Henry.

Ted and Billy invent new daily routines, new household rules, and a new relationship as the sole providing parent with his son. They lock horns, laugh, frustrate each other, challenge each other, confide in each other, and ultimately learn how to trust, love, and take care of one another. They share a deep and beautiful bond.

Enter Joanna Kramer, after an 18-month absence. She spies on her son from a distance, observing him being dropped off at school, before she contacts Ted to meet with him. She has found her footing once more, with a new life, new love, and a new job. She wants Billy back. She wants custody of their son. Not long after she delivers this shocker to Ted, he is fired from the agency. His boss (George Coe) doesn’t think he can cut it now that he juggles clients with parenthood. He can’t devote his full attention to work, so he is underperforming. And just before the Christmas holiday begins, with his trial date looming, Ted pounds the pavements for a job, any job in his field, so that he can stand even a remote chance of keeping Billy. Odds are stacked against him, according to his lawyer (Howard Duff). The courts nearly always side with the mother in custody battles even if she abandoned her child.

Ted and Joanna each take the stand, along with their mutual friend Margaret (Oscar-nominee Jane Alexander), who is there to testify on Ted’s behalf but does more harm than good in the end. The performances from Hoffman and Streep are particularly moving here. We see that this isn’t a battle over who loves Billy more. This is an unfortunate, all-too-common situation of two people who grow apart and the lives they impact as a result.

Meryl Streep and Howard Duff.

It should come as no surprise to anyone alive in 1979 that Joanna wins custody. Society hadn’t moved forward enough to rule in favor of a supporting father and against an abandoning mother … just as it hadn’t moved forward enough to respect a husband’s role as an attentive parent who is not necessarily the breadwinner … just as it hadn’t moved forward enough to comprehend that a wife’s place was not in the home or by her husband’s side, dependent upon his successes for her own. Substantial progress was made in the late ’60s and early ’70s. The male and female roles were reinvented, but adjustment was slow. It’s still going on to this day, in fact.

Justin Henry and Dustin Hoffman, in a silent routine, make French toast together for the last time.

More than anything, the reason this movie works decades later is due to the three main performances. Hoffman, Streep, and Henry create flawed, complicated, loving, and relatable characters. Times have changed, advancements have been made, but the struggles are real and relevant. We’re still trying to understand how we fit together. Pressures to fill the expected roles, the pursuit of individual happiness, reinvention of the family unit, and balancing homelife with work … we’re still learning.

The Kramers are learning, too, and in a stunning twist at the end, despite the court ruling, Joanna allows Billy to stay. She tells Ted in the lobby of their building, just moments before she is to take her son away, that she can’t bring him home with her when “he’s already home.” It’s a selfless move. A brave move, made out of love. Billy’s happiness, stability, and welfare are her motivation. The audience is left with the hope that Joanna and Ted can work on this together for Billy’s sake. Regardless of laws, conventions, and preconceptions, they will do this their own way.

Kramer vs. Kramer